Moving on...

The last six months have flown by and have created many happy memories along the way. Starting a 'real' job and living on my own in London has presented with many challenges to overcome, but I have become stronger, learned to take care of myself, and learnt to feel comfortable with my own company and my body, although this is still a work in progress. I've also learnt to adjust my expectations – it's a sad but true fact what woman feels entirely happy with there own body? But I feel that I have been able to place it lower down my list of priorities.

My body does not define who I am. Who I am is so much more than that – I am a nurse, a Christian, perfectionist, sensitive, kind and thoughtful, with a puerile sense of humour! I have weaknesses – I am impatient, prone to melancholy, have a low tolerance to stress and I'm a perfectionist (this comes under both as it is both a curse and a blesing!). I know this sounds like a dating add but it is a fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses, things we are good at, and things we need to work on. This is what defines us – not the shape or size of your body, but the things that make me 'Me' – these are the things that last and what ultimately matters.

I am about to embrace a new change which I'm sure will bring different challenges. I am moving house – not too far – but moving in with a old friend. Living on my own has been an experience I won't take back, but now it's time to move on.

I'm hoping to blog about the upcoming move and will provide photos of my new and exciting place! I also have a new recipe to share with you, I don't want to veer away from the topic of food completely, but I think it reflects my current state of mind that food is now lower down down my list of priorites.

Watch this space!

The final hurdle

I can't believe it's only four months since I wrote that last post, I feel like so much has changed.

It seems sometime in the last few months I crossed the final hurdle to full recovery. This apparently went hand in hand with me decided to quit smoking – the final step in making the decision to treat my body with some respect and discovering that I deserve to be healthy and happy.

So after going away on an Alpha weekend with my church and receiving prayer for complete and total healing from my self loathing, I woke up the next day and realised I was so loved that it was time to really love myself. I quit smoking and removed all the final traces of Anorexia that were still hanging over me – I have never felt better.

Even those around me have noticed. This is what I want to be noticed for - for being the happy, healthy glowing Hannah who shines with the love of Jesus and the joy of the Holy Spirit. I no longer need to be the sick Hannah – starving, cutting, overdosing and trying to self destruct with a pathological need to be cared for. This is the hugest realisation of my journey so far, throughout my rocky teenage years and slightly unstable mental health.

I have finally grown up and realised I don't need to be sick to be loved – In fact life is so much brighter with health.

And now after all those years of taking... it's time for me to give back...